1st DIBS iDiOcy

For your viewing pleasure, a few more choice items "sale- priced" at the generally (have to give 'em they props) posh antique/ vintage site, 1st Dibs. The stuff below, however, were given the seal of approval by the crack- addicted curator they can't seem to get rid of.

Large, foogly statue of a woman, probably sculpted just as she entered the bedroom door and saw her husband hittin' another chick, or based on her image in the mirror when her Buttfuck, Anywhere stylist did the big reveal on her new hairdo. One thousand, seven hundred and fifty dollars gets this on the mantel at home. Or thrown at your soul-sucking, money- grabbing, ass- wipe of an ex.

No, they aren't earrings. They're candleholders, though what size candle would fit, as well as how the heck you'd make it stand without burning down your entire crib, is a matter for debate. One thousand, seven hundred sixteen dollars and this firetrap is all yours.

Now, the round brown thing above is a beehive. I know, I'm scratching my head as well. What place does a beehive, lacking any sort of artistic merit, in fact resembling your 7 year old's first attempt at pottery, (the one you put on top of the 'fridge in juuuust the right spot so that it oops! falls and breaks at any sudden movement) have in your home? And are unused/ re- purposed beehives still attractive to bees??
I wouldn't take the chance, especially for a whopping twenty- eight hundred dollars.

Last but by no means least is this wonder of crafting and bedazzlement, made by one Frédérique Lombard Morel, who is also the genius behind the above- mentioned candleholder. If I was a nasty, catty person, I would immediately label this "effort" Tom Binns manqué: wannabe, but can't quite make it there. Frédérique, I sure do hope you are a sterling piece of French ass, because there is no way you'll be able to sell this pile of crap at two thousand, one hundred forty-five dollars except by bewitching some gaga young banker who wishes to get into your pants.
But hey, that perfume counter gig at Galerie Lafayette will always be there!